Tuesday, May 22, 2012
that horrible moment when reality presents the possiblities...
walking out of home depot, i was feeling bought-it-without-tim-so-wonder-if-he'll-approve remorse (he was in chicago for a continuing education course). i had just purchased two large pieces of beautiful wood and supplies to build my own kitchen table (plus other "necessary" things) as we are already too many for the one we have right now...well, we fit, but we can't have company and when julia outgrows the high chair, she can't join us either.....okay!!!fine, the real reason is because i am picky and i don't like the way we fit around the table. (i feel it is so long and narrow for good family conversation, i want a round table but i'm settling for a square one).
anyway...i was looking at the receipt to make sure i could return the wood ($45 each) if tim wasn't on board with it but something was wrong - the price of the wood was not listed anywhere. the cashier asked it anything was wrong because i just stood there, examining the receipt over and over. finally, i realized that he never rung up the wood, (the other purchases were high enough dollar amount wise though that i didn't realize it that way). my heart sank when i realized i owed another $100. i mentioned to the cashier that i couldn't find the wood on the receipt. he glanced over the receipt in my hand, then walked back to his station but didn't say anything.
it hit me, that i could actually just walk out of the store right then and there and not pay the $100 for the wood because he was not going to do anything about it, for what ever his reason was.
as much as i didn't want to pay anymore, i knew i could never do that. feeling ridiculous, i repeated to the cashier, i don't think it's on the receipt.
he mumbled how he must have skipped it and rang it up.
i walked out of the store so disappointed.
it was suppose to be fun, to be able to buy the table i was dreaming of. but it's been such a let down and i just can't figure out why. at first, i thought i was disappointed that i ever looked at the receipt because i could have stayed happy. but of course, this is the honest way of doing it. for some reason, that way of buying it just ruined for me.
anyway...i was looking at the receipt to make sure i could return the wood ($45 each) if tim wasn't on board with it but something was wrong - the price of the wood was not listed anywhere. the cashier asked it anything was wrong because i just stood there, examining the receipt over and over. finally, i realized that he never rung up the wood, (the other purchases were high enough dollar amount wise though that i didn't realize it that way). my heart sank when i realized i owed another $100. i mentioned to the cashier that i couldn't find the wood on the receipt. he glanced over the receipt in my hand, then walked back to his station but didn't say anything.
it hit me, that i could actually just walk out of the store right then and there and not pay the $100 for the wood because he was not going to do anything about it, for what ever his reason was.
as much as i didn't want to pay anymore, i knew i could never do that. feeling ridiculous, i repeated to the cashier, i don't think it's on the receipt.
he mumbled how he must have skipped it and rang it up.
i walked out of the store so disappointed.
it was suppose to be fun, to be able to buy the table i was dreaming of. but it's been such a let down and i just can't figure out why. at first, i thought i was disappointed that i ever looked at the receipt because i could have stayed happy. but of course, this is the honest way of doing it. for some reason, that way of buying it just ruined for me.
ana, cati, tahj, and nati
feel like i am one of the ten virgins, one of the five that didn't keep up with all that she was suppose to be doing and is now running around frantic, trying to squeeze it all in.
i get to see ana (her dad and all else call her anya but i am so use to ana, i haven't been able to switch yet. her first name is anastasia, but her mom wanted to call her anya for short but when she ended up staying with us the second time around, her brother kept calling her ana and it just stuck..) and cati lots more now. some sort of issues going on with the regular care giver. makes me happy to have them around here again. i wrote to tahj and nati, up in washington state with their maternal grandparents. made me super happy to do so. i don't need them to respond but i still feel happy to write to them.
i get to see ana (her dad and all else call her anya but i am so use to ana, i haven't been able to switch yet. her first name is anastasia, but her mom wanted to call her anya for short but when she ended up staying with us the second time around, her brother kept calling her ana and it just stuck..) and cati lots more now. some sort of issues going on with the regular care giver. makes me happy to have them around here again. i wrote to tahj and nati, up in washington state with their maternal grandparents. made me super happy to do so. i don't need them to respond but i still feel happy to write to them.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
dirty laundry is so stinky
my life consists of feeding my baby and doing laundry. it isn't glamorous but it's something. i wish there were no consequences for donating all my dirty laundry to the d.i.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
i am educated on the midwives, thank you very much
2 times i have responded to someone's comments on facebook and been a little anxious about it.
yesterday, i wrote in response to my high school bf's comment that she was having her first baby (she just got married) natural. she had two responses telling her this was a good choice and she was born to do this.
i have had midwives for 4 of my pregnancies and have been told all the glory of the midwife and the evils of the ob's. i was a big promoter of it, at first. i feel like i have given the midwives a fair shake. but in the end, i realized i was only in on it because i liked the way it sounded and not that it was the best choice for me personally. those first deliveries were very long. with the first 2 kids, i was at 9.5 dilated for over 8 hours, not progressing. with tee (my first) they gave me pit to restart the labor (for a total of 3 days). it was a painful delivery but hey, i did it without the epi so i felt pretty good about myself, right? (although, secretly my desire for big family suddenly withdrew at that point...)
my second preg was a miscarriage. i called the midwives everyday for a week, crying about bleeding. they said, in a most annoyed voice, there was nothing they could do. finally, (i could feel them rolling their eyes at me) they asked if a sono would make me feel better. i jumped at that. i still lost the baby. the midwives never said anything to me about it. the"natural" way to treat a mother-to-be, maybe? (my sister lost her baby a year later, her doc got her in right away and when she lost the baby, sent her home with some roses as a sympathy gesture.)
on my second delivery, after being at 9.5 all through the night with no progress, they finally gave me a spinal tap, believing my body just refused to go to full delivery. they then left me alone. i knew i was ready to push, even with the spinal, but i didn't want to. i was so scared and tired, i felt no support from the midwives. tim was asleep, exhausted, on the small chair and i just laid there for about 40 minutes until the nurse came in to check on me. it was the worst delivery ever because due to the process, i had a very hard time bonding with the baby. my heart was broken as i looked at him and could not find my instant joy for holding him in my arms. that was a terrible feeling and i just can't forgive myself for that yet. i know it was because i was still trying to get over the awful delivery.
still, i again looked for midwives for my 3rd kid. i finally woke up to my reality when about halfway through the pregnancy, i ended up in the hospital with some weird headache and fever (not meningitis). even though i was in the maternity section, even though my midwives were in the hospital with other patients, they never came to check in on me. i could see them in the hallways but they never came to check on me. that's when i realized they didn't care about me at all, they didn't even know me.
but, the ob doc came in every day to see me. she wasn't even my doctor, just the hospital assigned one to me but she wanted to make sure i was okay. she showed it in her face, with her questions. i felt she cared about me. everything that i had been told about "natural childbirth" and evil doctors was simply a lie.
needless to say, i switched to a doctor that pregnancy and have loved almost every delivery since.
i don't think the meds or no meds made the difference but the people around me did. doctors are not the cold, problem seekers-dying-to-give-you-a-c-section people i was told they were. and midwives certainly were not angels trying to help you do what you were born to do. i am sure many midwives might be wonderful but mine weren't.
i absolutely love my doctor, who comes in on his days off to deliver me (not even on call) because he is that caring.
i thought my comment to my bf would draw negative responses since i wasn't all loving on the midwives, especially by this one girl that had already responded that is also from my high school past. but to my surprise, this one girl actually liked my comment and said so. wow, never thought she would like what i had to say. of course, this just proves to me that this one girl is that much cooler to be able to appreciate opposing views.
yesterday, i wrote in response to my high school bf's comment that she was having her first baby (she just got married) natural. she had two responses telling her this was a good choice and she was born to do this.
i have had midwives for 4 of my pregnancies and have been told all the glory of the midwife and the evils of the ob's. i was a big promoter of it, at first. i feel like i have given the midwives a fair shake. but in the end, i realized i was only in on it because i liked the way it sounded and not that it was the best choice for me personally. those first deliveries were very long. with the first 2 kids, i was at 9.5 dilated for over 8 hours, not progressing. with tee (my first) they gave me pit to restart the labor (for a total of 3 days). it was a painful delivery but hey, i did it without the epi so i felt pretty good about myself, right? (although, secretly my desire for big family suddenly withdrew at that point...)
my second preg was a miscarriage. i called the midwives everyday for a week, crying about bleeding. they said, in a most annoyed voice, there was nothing they could do. finally, (i could feel them rolling their eyes at me) they asked if a sono would make me feel better. i jumped at that. i still lost the baby. the midwives never said anything to me about it. the"natural" way to treat a mother-to-be, maybe? (my sister lost her baby a year later, her doc got her in right away and when she lost the baby, sent her home with some roses as a sympathy gesture.)
on my second delivery, after being at 9.5 all through the night with no progress, they finally gave me a spinal tap, believing my body just refused to go to full delivery. they then left me alone. i knew i was ready to push, even with the spinal, but i didn't want to. i was so scared and tired, i felt no support from the midwives. tim was asleep, exhausted, on the small chair and i just laid there for about 40 minutes until the nurse came in to check on me. it was the worst delivery ever because due to the process, i had a very hard time bonding with the baby. my heart was broken as i looked at him and could not find my instant joy for holding him in my arms. that was a terrible feeling and i just can't forgive myself for that yet. i know it was because i was still trying to get over the awful delivery.
still, i again looked for midwives for my 3rd kid. i finally woke up to my reality when about halfway through the pregnancy, i ended up in the hospital with some weird headache and fever (not meningitis). even though i was in the maternity section, even though my midwives were in the hospital with other patients, they never came to check in on me. i could see them in the hallways but they never came to check on me. that's when i realized they didn't care about me at all, they didn't even know me.
but, the ob doc came in every day to see me. she wasn't even my doctor, just the hospital assigned one to me but she wanted to make sure i was okay. she showed it in her face, with her questions. i felt she cared about me. everything that i had been told about "natural childbirth" and evil doctors was simply a lie.
needless to say, i switched to a doctor that pregnancy and have loved almost every delivery since.
i don't think the meds or no meds made the difference but the people around me did. doctors are not the cold, problem seekers-dying-to-give-you-a-c-section people i was told they were. and midwives certainly were not angels trying to help you do what you were born to do. i am sure many midwives might be wonderful but mine weren't.
i absolutely love my doctor, who comes in on his days off to deliver me (not even on call) because he is that caring.
i thought my comment to my bf would draw negative responses since i wasn't all loving on the midwives, especially by this one girl that had already responded that is also from my high school past. but to my surprise, this one girl actually liked my comment and said so. wow, never thought she would like what i had to say. of course, this just proves to me that this one girl is that much cooler to be able to appreciate opposing views.
single socks are everywhere!
everyday i fight the war against the house mess. yesterday, it was the battle of the socks at fort closet. i had finally matched up as many possible socks and went to put them away in tim's sock drawer. but the battle was just beginning. imagine my surprise when i found many single cleans socks in his drawer.
now, i know that i'm the one that is more likely to do the laundry and i know i did not put single socks in his drawer. nor can i perceive the thought that tim is bizarre enough to take out only one single sock and leave the other behind. so, how did this happen?
and even more inconceivable is that tim has stashed in his drawer five new, unopened packets of starburst candy. what? if he was hiding it from me, no need. after all, it's not chocolate.
most likely, he isn't hiding it from me as like i said before, i do the laundry, so what is he doing?
it would be kinda cool if he did hide chocolate in there for me, don't you think?
.
now, i know that i'm the one that is more likely to do the laundry and i know i did not put single socks in his drawer. nor can i perceive the thought that tim is bizarre enough to take out only one single sock and leave the other behind. so, how did this happen?
and even more inconceivable is that tim has stashed in his drawer five new, unopened packets of starburst candy. what? if he was hiding it from me, no need. after all, it's not chocolate.
most likely, he isn't hiding it from me as like i said before, i do the laundry, so what is he doing?
it would be kinda cool if he did hide chocolate in there for me, don't you think?
.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
truth is...i don't do pain
people (esp. women) say if men were in charge of having the babies, we'd be extinct by now. but truth is, tim has a way higher pain tolerance than me.
for the first time in our marriage, we are both sick at the same time. it completely stinks to the highest degree. normally, tim takes care of me and the kids when i'm all sick and whiney. but now, not only does he not have the ability to take care of me, not only do i still have to take care of the kids' needs, not only do i feel miserable and cranky and sleep deprived, yes NOT ONLY ALL THIS, but i also get a load of guilt thrown at me because i am pretty sure tim is sicker than i am and yes, he is still going to work while i stay at home and rest (albeit with all the sick kiddos surrounding me).
sat. is really the day we were both sick. i was soooooo just crying inside but since i can't even remember the last time i was sick, i was able to hold it in. still, i was willing to play at a baptism for the missionaries (but the pianist was doubled up so after showing up, i actually got to go home :)) and tim was able to go to stake priesthood meeting. and we both went to stake adult session although i admit the entire time i was counting the minutes to go home and go to sleep.
but sunday, we were both so dead, we had to pass up stake conference and we just crashed all day. luckily, we have really super great older kids that are willing and do take care of all the younger kids.
now, tim and i are both on the mend but it's still there.
i absolutely hate being sick. but being sick when tim is also sick? aaaaaaaaggggggggghhhhhhh!
for the first time in our marriage, we are both sick at the same time. it completely stinks to the highest degree. normally, tim takes care of me and the kids when i'm all sick and whiney. but now, not only does he not have the ability to take care of me, not only do i still have to take care of the kids' needs, not only do i feel miserable and cranky and sleep deprived, yes NOT ONLY ALL THIS, but i also get a load of guilt thrown at me because i am pretty sure tim is sicker than i am and yes, he is still going to work while i stay at home and rest (albeit with all the sick kiddos surrounding me).
sat. is really the day we were both sick. i was soooooo just crying inside but since i can't even remember the last time i was sick, i was able to hold it in. still, i was willing to play at a baptism for the missionaries (but the pianist was doubled up so after showing up, i actually got to go home :)) and tim was able to go to stake priesthood meeting. and we both went to stake adult session although i admit the entire time i was counting the minutes to go home and go to sleep.
but sunday, we were both so dead, we had to pass up stake conference and we just crashed all day. luckily, we have really super great older kids that are willing and do take care of all the younger kids.
now, tim and i are both on the mend but it's still there.
i absolutely hate being sick. but being sick when tim is also sick? aaaaaaaaggggggggghhhhhhh!
Friday, March 9, 2012
doting on julia
on a more positive note,
just love, love the new born baby phase. a little disgruntled (well, maybe lots) that it's already been a week and two days since julia was born. it doesn't seem fair, the way time robs me this way.
it took me nine long months, 40 weeks! to get this baby and now time wants to fly by?!?! crazy.
of course, she is the sweetest, smartest baby. of course, mary and jane just love her and want to show me how they know how to point to her eyes ALL the time. of course, i have to keep her "up high" whenever i put her down so they kids can't reach her. what a bunch of characters. so you can see, everything is going pretty much as is suppose to be.
i guess bread is the new cookie. everyday this week, starting with sunday, i have recieved 4 loaves of bread, big bag of rolls, big batch of homemade rolls, 2 loaves of apple cinnamon bread, and then yesterday 2 more loaves of bread. most came with dinners as well. and yes, i said dinners because leftovers were always there. sweet, huh? sad thing is, we can't eat that much bread. i did freeze some but you know it never quite tastes the same as freshly made bread!
we stole julia from the hospital early so they didn't take the belly clamp off as the cord was still moist. the doctor's office took the clamp off 5 days later but i think the weight of the clamp caused the cord to fall off early. rather disgusting little thing anyway.
i'm such a wuss. nursing is in the needles and pins stage, so everytime i prepare to nurse the babe, i prepare to flinch. couple of times, i jumped the gun and found myself cringing and making faces before i realized she never really got on. at least i know i'm ready on my part.
i have tons and tons of pics of her. don't know what i'll do with them all, as they are all basically in the same poises but i just can't help myself! i just love her so much and want to remember her exactly like she is RIGHT NOW.
just love, love the new born baby phase. a little disgruntled (well, maybe lots) that it's already been a week and two days since julia was born. it doesn't seem fair, the way time robs me this way.
it took me nine long months, 40 weeks! to get this baby and now time wants to fly by?!?! crazy.
of course, she is the sweetest, smartest baby. of course, mary and jane just love her and want to show me how they know how to point to her eyes ALL the time. of course, i have to keep her "up high" whenever i put her down so they kids can't reach her. what a bunch of characters. so you can see, everything is going pretty much as is suppose to be.
i guess bread is the new cookie. everyday this week, starting with sunday, i have recieved 4 loaves of bread, big bag of rolls, big batch of homemade rolls, 2 loaves of apple cinnamon bread, and then yesterday 2 more loaves of bread. most came with dinners as well. and yes, i said dinners because leftovers were always there. sweet, huh? sad thing is, we can't eat that much bread. i did freeze some but you know it never quite tastes the same as freshly made bread!
we stole julia from the hospital early so they didn't take the belly clamp off as the cord was still moist. the doctor's office took the clamp off 5 days later but i think the weight of the clamp caused the cord to fall off early. rather disgusting little thing anyway.
i'm such a wuss. nursing is in the needles and pins stage, so everytime i prepare to nurse the babe, i prepare to flinch. couple of times, i jumped the gun and found myself cringing and making faces before i realized she never really got on. at least i know i'm ready on my part.
i have tons and tons of pics of her. don't know what i'll do with them all, as they are all basically in the same poises but i just can't help myself! i just love her so much and want to remember her exactly like she is RIGHT NOW.
 |
| in love with pink right now. |
 |
| love the peek-a-boo! |
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| okay, i'll stop already! |
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
did get a camera, just in time!
i have the sweetest friends! thanks for the multiple offers to use your cameras, but tim did indeed bring one home for valentine's day, along with a surprise lunch visit with subway! :) love subway!
taken lots of pics of baby julia and been very happy. :) :) :)
and then i sleep.
taken lots of pics of baby julia and been very happy. :) :) :)
and then i sleep.
grumble, grumble, grumble
the turth is, i am still pretty upset about it.
the way i see it, good people forgive and forget. better people forgive quickly. and best people don't even have to forgive because they never took offense to it in the first place.
i don't even make the grid.
i completely understand offense was never intended (yes, i've heard all the cutesy little sayings about not being offended no matter what...see what i wrote about best people?). i know it was a quick and thoughtless thing that was texted as i know this person pretty well. still i, fed up with all the previous thoughtless things said by this person, responded, probably a little harsher than necessary and out of my norm, but all defending the decision tim and i made so nothing critiquing of the other person.
if it would have stopped there, that text, i am pretty sure i would have eventually swallowed and pushed on.
but of course, the last word had not been given. their response? of course, defensive on their part, which i obviously expected. and that i would have accepted...
until they told tim i was never even suppose to have known about the text, that tim was suppose to read it and accept it and then convince me i was wrong about something..,you know, because i am crazy and insane and tim, who must be just so weak minded to bend to me, shouldn't listen to me, his wife, but should heed them because they understand so much better (yes, they actually said that)...and, shhh! this is a private conversation between the two of them.
think i got fired up a bit? oh yes.
so now i have to repent but i don't have the desire yet. so i have to get that first. but i don't want that either. i just want to scream out my frustration.
absolutely, there is nothing that tim keeps from me, unless it is bishop confidentiality or patient stuff. but our marriage is open communitcation otherwise. absoulutely, i do not make decisions like the one under target without tim's opinion and in this case, it is both our desires, not just mine. absoulutely, tim and i do not make decisions like this one without much thought into it and consideration for all parties involved.
and, yes. my marriage is sacred ground and no one has the right to try come between tim and me, attempting to go behind my back about anything, especially about things that don't even concern them. this is the second time this same person has thought to dish out thoughtless remarks and actions potentially hurtful to a marriage. but of course, tim and i are solid and it hurts us none. but still! what right do they think they have to even think to say anything?
again, i know it was just a thoughtless, oh so thoughtless thing, quickly texted, and then a horribly thoughtless remark to throw out for a defense. i am just so tired of all the times i am just suppose to take it all and smile back.
i just need more time and a lot more praying.
i have not since responded. tim stood up for me and our marriage in his conversation and i just left it at that.
the way i see it, good people forgive and forget. better people forgive quickly. and best people don't even have to forgive because they never took offense to it in the first place.
i don't even make the grid.
i completely understand offense was never intended (yes, i've heard all the cutesy little sayings about not being offended no matter what...see what i wrote about best people?). i know it was a quick and thoughtless thing that was texted as i know this person pretty well. still i, fed up with all the previous thoughtless things said by this person, responded, probably a little harsher than necessary and out of my norm, but all defending the decision tim and i made so nothing critiquing of the other person.
if it would have stopped there, that text, i am pretty sure i would have eventually swallowed and pushed on.
but of course, the last word had not been given. their response? of course, defensive on their part, which i obviously expected. and that i would have accepted...
until they told tim i was never even suppose to have known about the text, that tim was suppose to read it and accept it and then convince me i was wrong about something..,you know, because i am crazy and insane and tim, who must be just so weak minded to bend to me, shouldn't listen to me, his wife, but should heed them because they understand so much better (yes, they actually said that)...and, shhh! this is a private conversation between the two of them.
think i got fired up a bit? oh yes.
so now i have to repent but i don't have the desire yet. so i have to get that first. but i don't want that either. i just want to scream out my frustration.
absolutely, there is nothing that tim keeps from me, unless it is bishop confidentiality or patient stuff. but our marriage is open communitcation otherwise. absoulutely, i do not make decisions like the one under target without tim's opinion and in this case, it is both our desires, not just mine. absoulutely, tim and i do not make decisions like this one without much thought into it and consideration for all parties involved.
and, yes. my marriage is sacred ground and no one has the right to try come between tim and me, attempting to go behind my back about anything, especially about things that don't even concern them. this is the second time this same person has thought to dish out thoughtless remarks and actions potentially hurtful to a marriage. but of course, tim and i are solid and it hurts us none. but still! what right do they think they have to even think to say anything?
again, i know it was just a thoughtless, oh so thoughtless thing, quickly texted, and then a horribly thoughtless remark to throw out for a defense. i am just so tired of all the times i am just suppose to take it all and smile back.
i just need more time and a lot more praying.
i have not since responded. tim stood up for me and our marriage in his conversation and i just left it at that.
Monday, March 5, 2012
little julia rosine
julia rosine gailey - 7lbs15oz at birth, currently 7lbs12oz. doesn't look like what i had imagined all these months, her hair is a bit lighter and her eyes blue but i'll adjust, eventually. the name julia was just the right name so that's that. i wanted it so much and felt it was her name but it is weird for me as it is my sister's name and i have a very strict policy of not naming my kids after living siblings. so she isn't named after my sister, just happens to have the same name. and rosine is mom's paternal grandmother. my mom had a hand in that part. it's still a little weird for me to call her julia because she is not what i thought she'd look like and she is so little but i know it is the right name.
choose the 29 of feb on purpose but it was actually my due date as well. had lots of positive feed on that, but the few sour critiques were so mean, i really could go off on that, but i will restrain myself. my own kids and tim and i really love the date. and as i try to educate people, every time the earth rotates around the sun, you grow older, whether or not the date humans named happens to be on the calendar or not. i think julia will love the date because it is a fun day and every four years, she gets two birthday days as we will celebrate on the 28 every year as well. cupcakes!
delivery was the best c-section i've had, although she was a bit stuck and so the delivery nurse was literally jumping on my ribs (really the top of the uterus but it felt like my ribs) with her entire body to help push the baby out. weird. and even though i did have a spinal block, i could still feel the pressure and the unability to breath. in an ob doc's opinion (one of tim's patients), i might be a little bruised from that.
little julia was actually crying in the womb (this was before they delivered her, just as they opened me up)...the doc and nurses said that they could hear her gurgles in the water before they brought her up. they all thought it was so cute, saying it was their first time they ever hear that. i have such a special baby...
hospital visit was about the worst for me ever. tim's pretty mad about it and that says a lot. but i won't moan to you about it because it's all over now. my doctor was super sweet by releasing me within 24 hours of having the baby, although i did have to wait for julia to be at least 24 hours before they did the baby tests. at least i only had to spend one night in the hospital.
loved having mom here and playing with my kids. she thinks she didn't do much but i really super duper appreciate her making my kids happy. love her.
doing great, off the meds since friday but still really sore. today is a take-it-easy day. therefore, the posting. and pics. :)
choose the 29 of feb on purpose but it was actually my due date as well. had lots of positive feed on that, but the few sour critiques were so mean, i really could go off on that, but i will restrain myself. my own kids and tim and i really love the date. and as i try to educate people, every time the earth rotates around the sun, you grow older, whether or not the date humans named happens to be on the calendar or not. i think julia will love the date because it is a fun day and every four years, she gets two birthday days as we will celebrate on the 28 every year as well. cupcakes!
delivery was the best c-section i've had, although she was a bit stuck and so the delivery nurse was literally jumping on my ribs (really the top of the uterus but it felt like my ribs) with her entire body to help push the baby out. weird. and even though i did have a spinal block, i could still feel the pressure and the unability to breath. in an ob doc's opinion (one of tim's patients), i might be a little bruised from that.
little julia was actually crying in the womb (this was before they delivered her, just as they opened me up)...the doc and nurses said that they could hear her gurgles in the water before they brought her up. they all thought it was so cute, saying it was their first time they ever hear that. i have such a special baby...
hospital visit was about the worst for me ever. tim's pretty mad about it and that says a lot. but i won't moan to you about it because it's all over now. my doctor was super sweet by releasing me within 24 hours of having the baby, although i did have to wait for julia to be at least 24 hours before they did the baby tests. at least i only had to spend one night in the hospital.
loved having mom here and playing with my kids. she thinks she didn't do much but i really super duper appreciate her making my kids happy. love her.
doing great, off the meds since friday but still really sore. today is a take-it-easy day. therefore, the posting. and pics. :)
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| yes, my nose is red and itchy from the meds... |
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| my mom with all the wild kids |
Friday, February 17, 2012
quagmire
apparently, i am too far along to be given shots to stop contractions (falsie ones) but too early to deliver a baby. wasn't too happy when i talked to the doctor on call about it, as my doctor is out of town for the week, but felt comforted when she did make a call to high risk ob on my behalf to see if i qualified for delivery because of my previous ruptured uterus. he said i might but he wasn't able to give her permission to preform one, only the hospital high head docs could. (there is a very strict policy at the hospital, banner desert, no elective deliveries pre - 39 weeks. i am 38 weeks.) i was under the very strong opinion i wasn't to have steady contractions but apprently it's fine as long as they aren't very hard. as how to know what "very hard" means, still a bit up in the air for me. i don't want the baby early, i just want the contractions to stop because i thought they were bad for me. i don't want anything to happen to my baby! don't know what to think anymore.
ps - don't know if i spelled "quagmire" correctly, but there it is anyway.
ps - don't know if i spelled "quagmire" correctly, but there it is anyway.
Monday, February 13, 2012
camera
lost it. it's gone. i really think i lost it at the elementary after the spelling bee. doesn't matter, they don't have it. so it's gone. i've been making due with tim's cell phone and holland's itouch thing. but it just isn't the same. i am missing out on so many occassions!
i feel bad i lost it so it's hard to beg for a new one. what would i say if one of my kids lost something so valuable then just expected me to replace it?
but i am really pushing now for one before the baby is born. i just can't miss out on that. and i think the appropriate time-out for me has passed.
i've dropped a few right out requests for valentine's day. it's going to happen. that's all i've got to say.
i need a camera!!!!!!!
i feel bad i lost it so it's hard to beg for a new one. what would i say if one of my kids lost something so valuable then just expected me to replace it?
but i am really pushing now for one before the baby is born. i just can't miss out on that. and i think the appropriate time-out for me has passed.
i've dropped a few right out requests for valentine's day. it's going to happen. that's all i've got to say.
i need a camera!!!!!!!
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
they want the mommas to stay home
i recieved a jury summons some weeks ago. it's for next monday. i kept putting off responding to it because i was really conflicted about what to do. i want to serve (not only for my morbid interest in what everyone else is up to in the world, but also i love being a citizen of the u.s. and want to do my community duty) but i couldn't figure out what to do with all the kiddos.
even if tim's mom wasn't working and could come over, what about picking up all the kids from the schools and johhny's preschool and naps? i can't carpool with just one other person, no one has enough seats. i could have asked three others for carpooling....
it just seemed to difficult so i finally decided to call in...today...and ask for a friday instead when tim could stay home with the kids.
i barely had time to tell the girl on the phone that i just couldn't get a babysitter for monday when she inturrupeted me and asked, "you a fulltime momma?"
"yes."
"i'll give you a 90 pardon, and then next time you just put that you are a full time caregiver and you'll always be excused."
well, i said, okay, thanks.
i mean, i knew about that provision but that part also says there is NO WAY even for ONE DAY to be able to come. i really don't think that is the case. i think i could do it if only it was on a friday or during the summer. but that is more than 90 days away and they don't do fridays.
so i guess, i'm excussed and that's that. i feel a little sad about that.... i think i'm just power hungry.
even if tim's mom wasn't working and could come over, what about picking up all the kids from the schools and johhny's preschool and naps? i can't carpool with just one other person, no one has enough seats. i could have asked three others for carpooling....
it just seemed to difficult so i finally decided to call in...today...and ask for a friday instead when tim could stay home with the kids.
i barely had time to tell the girl on the phone that i just couldn't get a babysitter for monday when she inturrupeted me and asked, "you a fulltime momma?"
"yes."
"i'll give you a 90 pardon, and then next time you just put that you are a full time caregiver and you'll always be excused."
well, i said, okay, thanks.
i mean, i knew about that provision but that part also says there is NO WAY even for ONE DAY to be able to come. i really don't think that is the case. i think i could do it if only it was on a friday or during the summer. but that is more than 90 days away and they don't do fridays.
so i guess, i'm excussed and that's that. i feel a little sad about that.... i think i'm just power hungry.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
did we ever think i wouldn't get my way????
haha! i won!
tim and i have always wanted to put in a bathroom for the girls, elisa and ruth, upstairs in their attic room. we always found it weird that it was plumbed for a shower and a sink but not a toilet. that's just weird. our uncle and aunt did have this toilet that we would have to have installed, use it, then carry the waste downstairs....reminded me of a large training toilet. ewwww, gross!
so tim traded with a plumber to put in some pipes for a toilet up there, about a year ago. it is still a 3inch pipe instead of a 4in so that means the toilet has to be a specail one that...well, it actually flushes and we'll leave it at that.
but before we could hook up anything, we needed to put a proper floor in as the one it had was badly damaged by the past cats of the house.
so, we waited and waited for the extra money to magically show itself. once in a while, i would lament the bathroom situation out loud to tim and we would get quotes here and there. not gonna happen.
then, i changed my mind. forget the tile, let's do linolium. it's not the tile and supplies that are expensive, it's the labor. i know, my mom put her's in, so why can't i? not gonna happen either.
but tim kept thinking, just wait a little longer, and we'll be able to do it.
then, christmas came and tim wanted the project done as a present for me. (yayayayayayayaay!)
and so he spent his birthday all day one his knees with me in a tiny little bathroom installing vinal self-sticking tiles. we did a pretty good job, it cost around $50 (not the $500 labor PLUS supplies), and i am sooo happy!!!!!
it's so pretty and everything is hooked-up. now we just have to get the plumbing outside of the house fixed. that's another story.
tim and i have always wanted to put in a bathroom for the girls, elisa and ruth, upstairs in their attic room. we always found it weird that it was plumbed for a shower and a sink but not a toilet. that's just weird. our uncle and aunt did have this toilet that we would have to have installed, use it, then carry the waste downstairs....reminded me of a large training toilet. ewwww, gross!
so tim traded with a plumber to put in some pipes for a toilet up there, about a year ago. it is still a 3inch pipe instead of a 4in so that means the toilet has to be a specail one that...well, it actually flushes and we'll leave it at that.
but before we could hook up anything, we needed to put a proper floor in as the one it had was badly damaged by the past cats of the house.
so, we waited and waited for the extra money to magically show itself. once in a while, i would lament the bathroom situation out loud to tim and we would get quotes here and there. not gonna happen.
then, i changed my mind. forget the tile, let's do linolium. it's not the tile and supplies that are expensive, it's the labor. i know, my mom put her's in, so why can't i? not gonna happen either.
but tim kept thinking, just wait a little longer, and we'll be able to do it.
then, christmas came and tim wanted the project done as a present for me. (yayayayayayayaay!)
and so he spent his birthday all day one his knees with me in a tiny little bathroom installing vinal self-sticking tiles. we did a pretty good job, it cost around $50 (not the $500 labor PLUS supplies), and i am sooo happy!!!!!
it's so pretty and everything is hooked-up. now we just have to get the plumbing outside of the house fixed. that's another story.
find any silver lining
good thing about having a broken pipe, leaving the kitchen sink and dishwasher unusable is that my kitchen has been clean for so long now! (it's been over a week)
bad thing is, the laundry room where the dishes now go to, is now 4X the nightmare to be in.
lucky to have a sink in the laundry room, lucky to have the laundry room just down the hall from the kitchen. lucky to have paper plates. lucky the pipe is only for the kitchen and girls' bathroom in the attic (which has just been set up so not used yet) and not for all the other bathrooms or laundry room.
stinks that we have to call in the house insurance to get the problem fixed. stinks that is has taken over a week to get them here. stinks that they now have to pull up half of the back patio up to get to the broken pipe and will only pay to have the part of the patio taken up replaced (as opposed to having a whole new patio layed down. i know, i should be happy they even cover the back patio. and i am.)
tim is the one who started figuring out everything. first, there was the stench that we just couldn't figure out where it is coming from. i complained it was the dishwasher and tim took that all apart to clean it all out for me. but it continued and from underneath the island as well. and in the basement. and the dirt by the edge of the patio was suddenly always damp.
one day, tim just took a shovel and started tearing into the damp ground. suddenly, a huge pool of water, very stinky water, poured out from under the patio into the newly dug hole. tim realized the water had been draining under the patio, collecting, rotting, smelling up back into the sink drain and therefore dishwasher, and the vent also vented back to under the kitchen island since it had originally been vented for an island sink as well. the smell to the basement was from the damp dirt being right next to the fire escape, which is where the basement sliding window is and will be until fixed, slanted so it can't close all the way. oh, the joy of a true fixer uppper.
apparently, the pipe that leads from the kitchen outside wall to the septic tank (our personal sewer), has been completely severed. plumber friend anthony estimates it probably was never installed correctly, therefore it has potentially been leaking all over under the patio for years, since it was installed. i don't remember the kitchen bay window which is where the sink is being an addition my aunt put in, though, so i think maybe not that long but yes, it has done much damage. the dirt under the patio is all gone, which is very likely the reason it cracked all over the place (which is why i wish the whole thing could be replaced). and now that the patio is pulled up and the remaining little dirt removed, anthony says the cement on the bottom of the house is showing considerable wear and tear.
good thing is, the kitchen stays pretty clean....
bad thing is, the laundry room where the dishes now go to, is now 4X the nightmare to be in.
lucky to have a sink in the laundry room, lucky to have the laundry room just down the hall from the kitchen. lucky to have paper plates. lucky the pipe is only for the kitchen and girls' bathroom in the attic (which has just been set up so not used yet) and not for all the other bathrooms or laundry room.
stinks that we have to call in the house insurance to get the problem fixed. stinks that is has taken over a week to get them here. stinks that they now have to pull up half of the back patio up to get to the broken pipe and will only pay to have the part of the patio taken up replaced (as opposed to having a whole new patio layed down. i know, i should be happy they even cover the back patio. and i am.)
tim is the one who started figuring out everything. first, there was the stench that we just couldn't figure out where it is coming from. i complained it was the dishwasher and tim took that all apart to clean it all out for me. but it continued and from underneath the island as well. and in the basement. and the dirt by the edge of the patio was suddenly always damp.
one day, tim just took a shovel and started tearing into the damp ground. suddenly, a huge pool of water, very stinky water, poured out from under the patio into the newly dug hole. tim realized the water had been draining under the patio, collecting, rotting, smelling up back into the sink drain and therefore dishwasher, and the vent also vented back to under the kitchen island since it had originally been vented for an island sink as well. the smell to the basement was from the damp dirt being right next to the fire escape, which is where the basement sliding window is and will be until fixed, slanted so it can't close all the way. oh, the joy of a true fixer uppper.
apparently, the pipe that leads from the kitchen outside wall to the septic tank (our personal sewer), has been completely severed. plumber friend anthony estimates it probably was never installed correctly, therefore it has potentially been leaking all over under the patio for years, since it was installed. i don't remember the kitchen bay window which is where the sink is being an addition my aunt put in, though, so i think maybe not that long but yes, it has done much damage. the dirt under the patio is all gone, which is very likely the reason it cracked all over the place (which is why i wish the whole thing could be replaced). and now that the patio is pulled up and the remaining little dirt removed, anthony says the cement on the bottom of the house is showing considerable wear and tear.
good thing is, the kitchen stays pretty clean....
Monday, December 5, 2011
so proud, my kids are spellers (not like me!)
is it awful of me to not want my kids in the spelling bee?
both holland and ruth were the picks for their classes to be in the school wide spelling bee. yuck. i can't stand the anxiety it causes! one messed up letter and you're done for!
of course i went to watch. friday dec 2. tim was out of town so i had to take the littles with me (paul, johnny, mj). and of course, just as i'm arriving in the mutli-purpose room, i hear the announcement, "please take out any noisey kids so our contestants can concentrate."
of course. i mean, what elementary school wants little kids around? no, i actually understand. glad i wasn't the only one with kids in tow.
we sat in the very back, next to the door....for a whole ten minutes....before i ushered out my crew to the side yard and told them to stay put. i hung out in the doorway, making sure holland and ruthie saw me, to give them support them.
ruth made it through so many rounds! and holland more. i smiled at them as they walked back to join their classes as they were disqualified. holland was okay with it as he never wanted to be in it in the first place but he was the top speller in his class. ruth was heartbroken and i'm glad i was there to hug her when she ran to the bathroom to hide her tears. she had messed up the first letters but knew how to spell it (carnival). she just couldn't think straight, so much pressure. i reassured her and was glad to see her smile and return to her class.
i'm proud my kids had the courage to stand up there and do that. that takes so much nerve. and they did it!
the final winner was a 6th grader. it took forever, i'm told, as i left after holland sat down, since the finalists after a while couldn't get any more words correct and they ran out on the list. so they went back to the middle of the list and got a winner that way.
i really can't stand spelling bees, so glad it's over for us.
both holland and ruth were the picks for their classes to be in the school wide spelling bee. yuck. i can't stand the anxiety it causes! one messed up letter and you're done for!
of course i went to watch. friday dec 2. tim was out of town so i had to take the littles with me (paul, johnny, mj). and of course, just as i'm arriving in the mutli-purpose room, i hear the announcement, "please take out any noisey kids so our contestants can concentrate."
of course. i mean, what elementary school wants little kids around? no, i actually understand. glad i wasn't the only one with kids in tow.
we sat in the very back, next to the door....for a whole ten minutes....before i ushered out my crew to the side yard and told them to stay put. i hung out in the doorway, making sure holland and ruthie saw me, to give them support them.
ruth made it through so many rounds! and holland more. i smiled at them as they walked back to join their classes as they were disqualified. holland was okay with it as he never wanted to be in it in the first place but he was the top speller in his class. ruth was heartbroken and i'm glad i was there to hug her when she ran to the bathroom to hide her tears. she had messed up the first letters but knew how to spell it (carnival). she just couldn't think straight, so much pressure. i reassured her and was glad to see her smile and return to her class.
i'm proud my kids had the courage to stand up there and do that. that takes so much nerve. and they did it!
the final winner was a 6th grader. it took forever, i'm told, as i left after holland sat down, since the finalists after a while couldn't get any more words correct and they ran out on the list. so they went back to the middle of the list and got a winner that way.
i really can't stand spelling bees, so glad it's over for us.
i get sick once a year, so i really shouldn't complain...but i do.
i clearly have a cold. i'm finally getting over it. i've been hiding under the covers for the last 3 days but i've been feeling it for about a week. i feel like my eyes are going to pop out of my head if i open them and my nose is always stuffed. i don't have bloody noses just always bloody discharge. ew, grooooosssss! someone should censure this thing!
tim was gone in TN, for a dental convention. he was going to take me with him in his carry on, but he decided to have mercy on me, saying i would be bored out of my mind. it's actually a good thing he was gone since then i didn't have to feel guilty for not spending time with him on his days off from work. but i sure missed him!
so glad to have him back. more knowledgable, too! bonus!!
tim was gone in TN, for a dental convention. he was going to take me with him in his carry on, but he decided to have mercy on me, saying i would be bored out of my mind. it's actually a good thing he was gone since then i didn't have to feel guilty for not spending time with him on his days off from work. but i sure missed him!
so glad to have him back. more knowledgable, too! bonus!!
holland's ordination
most of our families attended holland's ordination to the aaronic priesthood nov 27, 2011. (my mom, my step-dad, tim's mom, tim's dad and step-mom, my sister julia and her kids, my sister laura and her family, my sister bethy and her kids, tim's bil jason and his kids, tim's sister bekah and her kid, aka mr. harrison, and of course, tim, me, and all our kids.) there was so many kids there! :)
tim ordained him, naturally!
i don't like the sunday luncheons but i understand they are okay to have and people traveling do need to eat. so we have one when we invite family to these sort of things.
my sister, bethy, was staying with us. she's from washington state and was there for the thanksgiving holliday. she and her best friend (laura) run a cake business up there. really, what i'd call a non-profit organization as they give all monies to charities. only in a non-profit, the people still get paid before the charities and since my sister and her friend don't get paid at all, it can't even really be called that.)
after seeing the cakes kim nevels makes, i wanted a cake for holland.
so bethy whipped one out for me last minute! turtles for holland, of course!
thanks, beth!!!!! just the right touch of not-too-fancy but made for him!
i picked up the cake mix. it was suppose to devil's food, my favorite as he didn't care, but i accidentally picked up plain milk chocolate cake. what a disappointment. it just isn't the same. luckily, no one there had tastebuds except me so no one else even cared. i still ate several. hey, it was a sacrafice i had to make for holland's sake!;)
oh, we had sandwhiches there, too, but that doesn't make the news on this blog.
tim ordained him, naturally!
i don't like the sunday luncheons but i understand they are okay to have and people traveling do need to eat. so we have one when we invite family to these sort of things.
my sister, bethy, was staying with us. she's from washington state and was there for the thanksgiving holliday. she and her best friend (laura) run a cake business up there. really, what i'd call a non-profit organization as they give all monies to charities. only in a non-profit, the people still get paid before the charities and since my sister and her friend don't get paid at all, it can't even really be called that.)
after seeing the cakes kim nevels makes, i wanted a cake for holland.
so bethy whipped one out for me last minute! turtles for holland, of course!
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| big turtles are made with only 12 cupcakes each! |
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| notice the individual cupcakes, about 10 of these, and 24 mini cupcakes just frosted |
thanks, beth!!!!! just the right touch of not-too-fancy but made for him!
i picked up the cake mix. it was suppose to devil's food, my favorite as he didn't care, but i accidentally picked up plain milk chocolate cake. what a disappointment. it just isn't the same. luckily, no one there had tastebuds except me so no one else even cared. i still ate several. hey, it was a sacrafice i had to make for holland's sake!;)
oh, we had sandwhiches there, too, but that doesn't make the news on this blog.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
opps! i just realized something
tee is neck deep in that wonderful stage of him assuming he knows more than me. he likes me to be smart like him, and that's why he always has to "correct" me, right?
usually it centers around science topics, like rain clouds. somehow, unexplicable really, his science teacher has predicted every topic that might ever come up between us and has told tee everything possible to know about it.
i don't argue that tee might know more than me in some areas (hopefully his teacher knows lots more than me) but somethings i doubt i should have to be so scientific about. for example, i've been watching winnie the pooh for years, since my childhood, so i think i know what a little black rain cloud is all on my own.
usually, when i see professor tee about to give me a lecture, i just smile and let him tell. i know it's useless to agrue with him at this time in his life. and i patiently wait for him to realize just how humble i am and how he will grow older and admit that i really do know everything.
and then i remember ----> debates with my mom and my mom giving way to my opinions. i remember how i always silenced her with my brilliant logic and how amazed she must have been at my simple reasoning of things. isn't that why she never argued with me?
and then i realize: hey wait. how come past and present aren't lining up? is it just dawning on me now that tee will never detect the real reason i don't argue with him? or is this point that my mom has been waiting for since my teen years, where i realize how humble she was (and is) and how my logic and reasoning were all a bunch of squished bananas to her?
and when did this become about what i am suppose to learn? i thought this was suppose to be about tee.
usually it centers around science topics, like rain clouds. somehow, unexplicable really, his science teacher has predicted every topic that might ever come up between us and has told tee everything possible to know about it.
i don't argue that tee might know more than me in some areas (hopefully his teacher knows lots more than me) but somethings i doubt i should have to be so scientific about. for example, i've been watching winnie the pooh for years, since my childhood, so i think i know what a little black rain cloud is all on my own.
usually, when i see professor tee about to give me a lecture, i just smile and let him tell. i know it's useless to agrue with him at this time in his life. and i patiently wait for him to realize just how humble i am and how he will grow older and admit that i really do know everything.
and then i remember ----> debates with my mom and my mom giving way to my opinions. i remember how i always silenced her with my brilliant logic and how amazed she must have been at my simple reasoning of things. isn't that why she never argued with me?
and then i realize: hey wait. how come past and present aren't lining up? is it just dawning on me now that tee will never detect the real reason i don't argue with him? or is this point that my mom has been waiting for since my teen years, where i realize how humble she was (and is) and how my logic and reasoning were all a bunch of squished bananas to her?
and when did this become about what i am suppose to learn? i thought this was suppose to be about tee.
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